Visioneers (2008)

Director: Jared Drake
Writer: Brandon Drake

Starring:
Zach Galifianakis
Judy Greer

Trailer Opening Scene

Imagine a time not too far off from our own, in a world not completely unlike our own. Imagine the 1999 classic Office Space and compare it with your current reality. Imagine 1985′s Brazil existing in the same time line a century into the future. Move forward in this seemingly familiar world; not too far, but just far enough to make things just barely uncomfortable, like the first few seconds right before you realize that is your grandmother.

This is the closest I can come to describing the setting, atmosphere and mood of Visioneers. Starring Zach Gallifanskaufasssss, which most may know from the summer romp The Hangover or his half-million comedy central stand up shows with Dave Attell and Patton Oswalt, as a lowly Level Three TUNT working for the Jeffers Corporation. His wife is played by the ever-gorgeous in that nerdy-and-funny-way Judy Greer who you may recognize as Kitty from “Arrested Development”.

I’m going to try and not go much into actual plot in these little writeups, but instead I’m going to try and convey the important aspects of the movie that I enjoy and that I think will give a good indication as to why you should watch this movie. In a list form. Because everyone loves lists.

• In this totally plausible, yet just out of reach semi-dystopian future,  it turns out that people are spontaneously exploding all over the goddamned place from “stress”.
• On each office wall is a ticker counting down the remaining minutes of productivity left in the week. Each minute that passes is accompanied by a corresponding announcement that states the same.
• Funny words like “Tunt.”
• Sweet backyard pole vaulting action.
• Giant teddy bears and butter churning.

Available now via Netflix (Watch Instantly in HD) or pick up the DVD at your local Amazon.

I hope do do more of these Sci-fi Sleeper non-reviews in the future; I already have the next two or three films lined up. I’ll keep exploring the format until I get one that I think works at least half-entertainingly, so  look forward for the next one coming within this month.

Buy stock in motorcycle helmets now.

I have just finished five years of intensive research and all signs point to a dramatic increase in the consumption and usage of black motorcycle helmets in the very near future.

During this time I have managed to obtain inside access to certain classified information. This classified information tells me that within a short few years (by 20xx at the most) all government enforcement agencies will be employing black motorcycle helmets as part of their newest uniform changes. Joining the motorcycle helmets with be a completely leather garb consisting of a black leather trench coat, black leather pants and shin-high black leather boots. I am currently unsure if they plan to employ stun-batons or laser-pistols.

For some curious reason, the helmets are also apparently going to include “E-Z 2 Break” shatter-prone glass face shields. Although this does seem a bit counter-productive, I’m sure that Father no doubt has has a fantastic reason for including this technology formerly used in saloon windows.

These changes come as a part of a much wider governmental reform aimed to curb recent spikes in “dissent and the possibility of uprising.”

Hail Father.

Pro tip: Other items worth investing in include flaming spires, leather, holograms and the color black. Be careful though, get ready to quickly dump books, art, music, emotions, free thought and self-identity!