...the blood bank!

However, this last frozen meal left me quite disappointed in the Baron. Now, I realize that no food item is ever going to look like it does on the box, but this is just ridiculous. Just look at this travesty:

Red Baron Box...mmm delicioso.

More like "The Red BARREN!!!"

No wonder the Red Baron is dead. If some pizza shit (pun #3 for those keeping track) like this was named after me I’d fill my plane with bees and fly it into the Eiffel Tower too!

• Highways are a place for important people only. If you see someone approaching you at a high rate of speed, be sure to move over onto the grass and off of the left four lanes (those are the fast lanes) so that they may get to their destination quickly and on time. Remember, your impedance affects those more important than you.
• You can gain much knowledge from informational films. Some documentaries I recommend include the survival and food preparation film Ravenous and the classic terraforming how-to Total Recal.
• If you tie a string around your finger, it’ll turn purple!
• That person behind you in line complaining heavily and publicly about having to wait is most likely stressed out from curing cancer all day.  Be polite and agree with their complaints that “this shit is taking forever,” because after all it’s not like they “have all fucking day for this.” After all, there’s still AIDS.
• You cannot, in fact, be kept cool by windmills.
• Although for years it was the plight of environmentalists and lazy, hypocritical hippies everywhere, it turns out that styrofoam is not only great for the earth but has on two separate occasions completely saved it from certain destruction.
• Money does grow on trees. It is called “Bacon.”

I felt the bacon just rounded it off nicely…