I’ll Take Eight!
“Baby Octopus Salad…It’s the BEST!”, eh? Well, I almost doubted you, but since you capitalized the whole word, I guess that I just have to believe you.
Seen recently at multi-award winning upscale Italian restaurant The Colosseum. This furthers my theory that the younger and more innocent the animal is, the better it tastes. If only there were a pie version…
Zombie Deity
Zombie Deity
(c) 2005
This failed pilot for a Fox sitcom asks the viewer the age old question, “What would you do if Jesus rose from the grave and needed a place to stay?” The original “odd couple” is back and ready for whatever wacky adventures they may come upon! Will Jesus be able cope within a modern world? How will that meany, scienticional atheist neighbor try to disprove his existence this week? What ever happened to that girl he brought home from that party and where did all this blood come from? All these questions and more will not be answered, but watch it anyway.
Bonus! Keep an eye out for my magical changing shirts!
Bullets of Flying Explosions of Death
Bullets of Flying Explosions of Death
(c) 2005
How do you follow up a spectacular zombie opus like Stop Eating My Brains!? Easy! With a rushed shoot, non-existent story and characters and way too much money spent on fantastic post-production CGI. The special effects for BoFEoD unfortunately bankrupted my family and we ended up living on the streets for a while, but I feel that in the end it was worth it. After all, “There’s nothing left to lose, but lose itself.”
Forwards to Happiness!
Things to look forward to:
- Flying cars allow the ability to cut people off on the y-axis
- People of the earth finally overcoming their differences and joining together to battle a peaceful (but pretentious!) alien civilization
- The discovery of Martian pornography
- Miss Universe actually means Miss Universe (spoiler: the chick from Total Recal Wins)
- Being able to instantly transport matter form place to place
- Repopulating the human race after the abuse of matter transporters leaves 90% of the population as horribly disfigured mutant hybrids
- Finally being able to destroy that godamned sun…thinks he’s so tough…
- Whalers on the moon
- Turns out there’s a point in space like a giant mirror in which beyond lies our same very own existence but where the time goes backwards starting from when we first discovered it. Also thinking our reflection was another battleship we accidentally destroy it erasing all of our history as well as future suspending all existence indefinitely in a state of perpetual nothingness from which the only escape is a radiation wave so large that the only thing that can cause it is the exploding of a sun exactly the size of our very own. As luck would have it at that very moment the radiation waves from our sun that we successfully destroyed years earlier just happened to reach this point in space the same instant the space mirror was destroyed which gave everyone the effect of nothing happening at all.
- Space bacon
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