Motorcycle Helmets: The Wave of the Future

Warning: Incredibly sage advice incoming! I hope that you are satisfied being lonely, because you are about to become so rich that it will alienate you from everyone you care about.

Buy stock in motorcycle helmets now.

I have just finished five years of intensive research and all signs point to a dramatic increase in the consumption and usage of black motorcycle helmets in the very near future.

During this time I have managed to obtain inside access to certain classified information. This classified information tells me that within a short few years (by 20xx at the most) all government enforcement agencies will be employing black motorcycle helmets as part of their newest uniform changes. Joining the motorcycle helmets with be a completely leather garb consisting of a black leather trench coat, black leather pants and shin-high black leather boots. I am currently unsure if they plan to employ stun-batons or laser-pistols.

For some curious reason, the helmets are also apparently going to include “E-Z 2 Break” shatter-prone glass face shields. Although this does seem a bit counter-productive, I’m sure that Father no doubt has has a fantastic reason for including this technology formerly used in saloon windows.

These changes come as a part of a much wider governmental reform aimed to curb recent spikes in “dissent and the possibility of uprising.”

Hail Father.

Pro tip: Other items worth investing in include flaming spires, leather, holograms and the color black. Be careful though, get ready to quickly dump books, art, music, emotions, free thought and self-identity!

Tags: dystopia, Future!, scifi